The Game Changer Question

If you know me, you know I LOVE Andy Stanley, the pastor of North Point Church.  His unique style of preaching allows him to connect and direct Christians and Non-Christians alike because even if you don't believe in Jesus, the bible is full of good advice.

But his current series Ask It (Click to check it out!) is a game changer.  It will rock your life if you let it.

Ephesians 5: 15-17 

Look carefully then how you walk, not as unwise but as wise, making the best use of the time, because the days are evil.  Therefore do not be foolish, but understand what the will of the Lord is.


So what's the question we should probably all be asking, Christian or Non-Christian?

In light of MY Past Experiences, MY Current Situation and MY Future Hopes & Dreams, what is the WISE thing to do?

If you look at decisions through this lens, things change.

And here's the breakdown:

MY:


We are all different.  What's wise for me may not be wise for someone else and vice versa.  It's a personal thing.  We must look at ourselves in the following three situations to know what we should do.

For Example:  Sally has been running everyday; I have not.  Is it wise for me to sign up for a marathon next week? Probably not.  Is it wise for Sally? Maybe.  That's for Sally to decide.

Past Experiences:

History is the best predictor of our future.  As creatures of habit, we tend to repeat history.  

For example:  I know every time I've opened a box of girl scout cookies in the past, I've eaten the whole box in a day and then felt crappy about it.  Is it a wise idea to buy 10 boxes of girl scout cookies when I'm trying to get control of my weight based on how I have scarfed them down in the past?

Current Situation:

We are all in different situations.  We must consider where we are, this day, in order to make wise decisions.

For Example:  I am currently in debt up to my eyeballs, but my family wants to take a trip to Costa Rica this summer.  Two years ago I didn't have any debt and went to Mexico with them, but now my situation is different and we are trying to crawl out of debt.  Is it wise for me to be going right now?

Future Hopes and Dreams:

The decisions we make today will change things in the future.  Don't give up the things you might want in the future for immediate gratification.

For Example:  I want to give my first kiss to my future husband, but this guy I just met says that's a deal breaker.  Do I kiss him and give that up so that he will stay with me or would it be wise to walk away?

Wise thing to do:

Wise is not the same thing as right, not  a sin, popular or most lucrative.  That wise voice is the one in your head that you reason with.  You might try to make excuses for going against it or justify doing something different, but deep down, it's that gut feeling that directs you if you let it.

This question is a game changer.

Are you willing to start asking it?

Andy Stanley is challenging people to just ask the question.  You don't have to change your actions but consider this question before you make decisions.  What it reveals about the heart is empowering.

MARCH

March is Hard.

It's the month when I realized what death was.
One of my good friends' older brother died in a car accident on his way into youth group a decade ago.

I remember crying my eyes out even though he wasn't really my friend.
I could see how it affected my sister.
And in my mind, I'd imagined how hurt my friend was and how horrible my Sunday-School teacher and her husband had to be doing.

Being just a young kid, I didn't know him that well, but I remember Kevin.
I remember him giving us a 4-H demonstration about how to make your own ammunition during tour.
I remember his voice, his laugh and his smile.
I remember him melting the crayons as we waited for our food after a day at the stock show.

And I remember what his face looked like when we went to the church for the visitation.
It was green and caked with make-up, but it was him.  He was really gone.


I remember everything about his funeral.
I remember what his friends got up and talked about.
I remember where I sat.
I remember eating as a community afterwards.

I remember thinking this is the worst thing ever and hoping it would never happen again.

But it did and it will keep happening because death is part of life.

Fast forward to 2009, a couple months before graduation.

March 1
 I had a huge paper due the next day so I couldn't go watch my girls with my best friend while their parents were out bowling. But she sent me a text message that I remember to this day. "Where are the scissors?"  Simple question.... yes.  But the story behind it makes me smile.  She was giving the kids popsicles and then couldn't get them open.  She didn't want to ask their parents because the girls maybe shouldn't have frozen sugar right before bed.

I called and gave her crap for trying to bribe her way into the favorite babysitter spot and told her where they were.

We chatted for a few minutes, said I love you, and hung up.

That was the last time I talked to my best friend.

March 5
It was Thursday. I was on the bus, heading south for regional basketball when I got a message saying they were flying Kelly flight for life because she couldn't breathe.  I had just talked to her a few days ago.  This couldn't be happening.  Having nobody else on the bus that really knew her, I went to the assistant basketball coach crying.  He prayed with me.

For the next week, I would text her brother or mom for updates on how she was doing several times a day. She was in the ICU but she'd made it past the window where they thought she might not make it.  She was young and athletic.  Pneumonia didn't have anything on her.  I didn't see it as scary anymore because I thought she was just in the ICU so she could heal faster.  She was going to be okay.

March 12
My basketball team had qualified for state so again we were travelling down south, this time to CSU Pueblo.  We played our game and then went to our hotel.  I was still kind of an "outsider" because I had transferred into this school so I got my own area with my own TV.  Coach told us to turn off the cell phones and focus on basketball so I did.  I couldn't sleep so I laid there watching one of the longest ever college basketball games, Syracuse vs. the  Huskies.  It went into 6 overtimes but I still couldn't sleep.  Something was wrong.

Then I got a knock at the door.  It was my coach and his wife.

Don't say it. DO. NOT. SAY. IT.
"Liza, your mom called.  I'm so sorry.... Kelly passed away."

I collapsed.  I had known what he was going to say before the words came from his mouth.

I just started wailing uncontrollably.

No.  The Doctors had said she had made it though.  She was going to be okay.

My best friend couldn't be gone.  It was impossible.

I called my sister in Kansas where it turns out she had been responsible for telling Kelly's big brother that his baby sister was gone.

We bawled.

My mom offered to come and get me but I couldn't go.

Here I was lonely because nobody knew her like me.
There I would have had to face the truth that she was gone.

So I stayed.  I was pretty worthless but I stayed.

And you know what I remember from the rest of State Basketball?

I remember getting calls from her ex boyfriends, the string of guys in my phone named (Insert Name) Kelly's.   These guys were ones that at some point in their relationship, I had probably threatened to beat up if they ever hurt her.  They were calling me for answers about a situation that I will never understand.

I remember going into the game and getting matched up man to man defence with a girl who wore the same number as my best friend.  I almost started bawling again.

I know we won something (because my sister took a picture of it) but I couldn't tell you what place.  I didn't even care.

What I cared about was looking up and seeing my sisters.  I wanted to hug them and cry with them.  And I did the whole way back to my parent's house.

When I got into town, I went to where the family was gathering, the family that had adopted me years ago.  I couldn't hardly stand looking around and seeing all those people who reminded me so much of her and not being able to find my favorite.  But we hugged and we cried.

From there it gets really foggy. 

I don't remember doing much.

When I was awake, I was crying.  When I closed my eyes I had nightmares that left me with tear stained pillows and waking up to find out they were true.
 I went into her room and tried to soak up her smell and cuddled with her pillows imagining they were her.

The week of March 16th was my spring break, but I wouldn't have been able to go back even if it wasn't.  Her funeral was set for Thursday, March 19th.  Her Birthday was the next monday.

I had been invited to sit with her class, the people I'd gone to school with for 10 years before transferring, at the funeral.  Jess and I led the class in to our seats. Somehow we made it through her funeral, a gym packed full of people whose lives she'd touched with a smile, a hug, a friendship or just a dorky comment.

Then we made it through her 18th birthday

Then through the next couple years in zombie mode.

I was pissed off at God.
I couldn't stand being around people who had friends.
I refused to make friends because I thought they might die.
I was diagnosed with PTSD and depression.
I got mad at people who were moving on with their lives.
I was terrified that I would forget.
I kept having nightmares.
I made poor choices out of anger and loneliness.
I felt guilty for still being here when she wasn't.


It took a long time and a lot of people to help me work through some of these things.  Five years later, I still struggle with them from time to time, especially when March comes around again.

March is Hard.  But God is Bigger.

And He never has nor ever will leave me.

Miss You Kell Bell <3

Thicker than Water

I have three sisters.

They are my best friends because they are mine.

We can fight each other, but if you mess with one of us, prepare for the triple threat to come back the fourth.

In fact, my biggest fear in life is to lose any of them.

It can be a consuming fear that sends me into tears just thinking about it .... like now or in my nightmares that leaves my pillow soaked with a salty taste.

So now that my last sister is about to leave the state, I feel like a piece of me is getting ripped away.

I know it's the right move for them (her and her adorable little family that I love oh so very much) but that doesn't mean it's easy.

In the last couple weeks, I have been able to catch up with her while the baby sleeps.

Horribly working out on the kinect

Cuddling on the couch

Eating Ice cream late at night.

Laughing at funny and not so funny jokes.

Crying remembering times past.

But more than anything, I just love being with her.  We can be in the same room, not say anything, not touch and yet we're still connected.

With sisters, there's this invisible bond of bosom friends.

IF something ever happened, I know they would be here in a heart beat.

Why?  Because they always are.

Selective Will

Today starts the 21 days of prayer and fasting with my church.

So I started it off with tea, prayer, worship and Andy Stanley.

And now I am scared because I am being challenged.  Again.

Andy Stanley has a way of speaking truth that always brings me to question what I'm doing, persuades me to move, and pushes me to grow.

In Matthew 6 and Luke 11, Jesus teaches his people how to pray.

He says....

This, then, is how you should pray:

Our Father in Heaven,
Hollowed be your name,
Your kingdom come,
Your will be done,
On earth as it is in heaven.
Give us today our daily bread.
And forgive us out debts,
as we also have forgiven our debtors.
And lead us not into temptation,
but deliver us from the evil one.
 (  Matthew 6:9-11 NIV)

It's easy enough to say, and not a hard task to remember a few words, broken down in simple phrases that rhythmically flow together.

But it is a frightening and bold prayer.

Your will be done.

Your will when it's not easy.
Your will when it's not popular.
Your will when it's not what I have planned.
Your will.
Not mine.

How can this not challenge what I am doing?

As an American, I pride myself in freedom.
Freedom to control my own life.
I like control.

But here, Jesus is saying to pray

"God, I surrender that control so that your will can take over."

Sometimes I try to fool myself into making my plans God's will.

Here God.
Here's the two choice I have narrowed it down to.
Which one do you want me to do, you know, because you're in control?

Or how about this mental conversation;

Hey Daddy God.
I've looked at these choices and decided none of them are against you.  
Now I'm going to pick the one that I like best, the easiest one or the most popular one.

As much as I try to fool myself into thinking that is the way God's will works, it's really not.
And I KNOW that.

Check out the story about Ahab (King of Israel), Jehoshaphat (King of Judah) and Micaiah (a prophet) in 1 Kings 22.

Here's my abbreviated version.
Ahab wants to go to war and asks Jehoshaphat to come with him.
Jehoshaphat says, "did you consult God about this?"
Ahab then gathers together a group of 400 prophets and says "We should do this, right?"
Everyone in the group agrees that they should go to battle.
Jehoshaphat says, "Is there anyone else we should ask?"
Ahab admits there is this guy Micaiah, but this prophet never says what he wants him to so he wasn't invited.
A messenger goes and gets Micaiah.
Micaiah is told to say what Ahab wants him to so he does.
When Ahab tells Micaiah to speak the truth, he foretells the death of the king if he goes into battle.
The King gets mad and sends him to prison until he returns from battle.
Ahab goes to battle, disguised, and still dies, like Micaiah said he would.

Sound familiar?

We often ask people for advice when we know that they will agree with us.
We don't ask the people that will challenge us.

And I find that I do the same thing with God.
I give him options, but leave out options that I don't want.

And I know that's not trusting in God's will.
Daddy God isn't meant to be put in a box,
restricted (even only if it's in my mind)
 from His bigger and better plan.

So this is what I'm going to be working on.  And it's scary.

Resolving to Change...

With just a few hours left in 2013, I feel like I need to my some resolutions.

And make them public, because I'm a lot more likely to stick to them if I do.

So this year, I will be:

- Learning to love myself better.
 It's time to be a better friend of to myself because I'm going to be stuck with me forever.  A self defeating attitude isn't good for anyone.  Here's my new rule: If I wouldn't say it about someone else, I shouldn't say it about myself. 

- Staying connected to my sisters.
For the past couple years, when someone is over seas, we've been doing sister emails.  We send each other updates on what's going on in our lives and it helps us not feel so far apart.  I think it's important even when we are all state side.  I will be sending out my "sister mail" twice a month.

- Admit when I need help.
I'm really good at asking questions to understand things better but the idea of asking for help is still hard.  So when I'm having a really bad day, I'm going to tell someone.  When I need assistance, I'm going to ask for it.  No more of this "I can do everything by myself attitude".  I was made for community.

-Take a picture everyday
I sometimes find myself going through the motions, waiting for the next big thing to happen, and end up missing the present.  I know my sister would say I should just "be there", but I want to document a year in my life with a daily picture and then make a book out of it.  With every picture, I will also have something that I am thankful for that day.  I think it's going to be a cool project to help capture the beauty around me, in my home country.

-Get healthy
While this may be on most peoples lists, this year is going to be the year that this really happens for me.  I have a buddy, a realistic goal and a timeline.  When I started this quest on Dec 22, I weighed 196 pounds.  By my 23 birthday, I want to be back down to 160, be able to run a few miles and feel strong.  It's do-able.  Along with getting to a healthy size, I also want to work on having a better relationship with food. I am really going to focus on breaking my emotional eating habit.  I want to start eating mindfully by not eating while doing other things, and truly enjoying the taste of food again.  Quality over quantity.

-Live with less
I don't know quite how much less I want to live with, but I am already a trunk load down.  For the past 6 months I have been living off the things that I could stuff in my hiking bag and found that I still didn't need everything I brought, so this year, I am asking myself these questions:

-Do I really need to buy this or do I just want more stuff?

-If I buy this, what am I going to get rid of?

-Does someone else need this thing that I'm not using?

-Tell the truth

Little lies turn into bigger lies and then can become toxic.

So this year I am going to work on: not exaggerating stories, admitting when I don't know the answer, being upfront (but still kind) and being true to myself.  For example;  if someone asks me on a date and I don't want to go, I'm not going to string him along.  By being fully truthful, I think I will not only build stronger relationships, but I will be able to chisel out a truer version of myself.

So there it is.  Here's to a new year full of love, laughter and a little bit of crazies.

A Lonely Faith

I grew up in a "Christian Town". 

There are over a half dozen churches for a population of under 600 people. 
We still have "Christmas Break" not Winter break or Holiday break.
The local stores are closed on Sundays. 
We have baccalaureate services in the school and two church dinners for the graduating seniors.
We say God Bless and Praying for you without thinking that someone may be offended by it.

I have never felt like I've been looked down on because of my faith when I am at home.

Yes, I know that there are people in my hometown that don't believe in Daddy God, but I don't remember ever feeling like I was the only Christian around.  I continued to feel connected when I went to college, and as I've traveled in N. Ireland, England, New Zealand and even in Japan.

But not now.

Norway, this truly wonderful place that I DO love is.....................a word that I can not come up with.  (The lack of the right English word seems to be fairly common these days.)

With a national church, singing prayers in the elementary school, and a "socially mandatory" tradition of 15 year olds going through confirmation, Norway appears, and most Norwegians would say that it is, a Christian nation and yet, I have found it hard to find people that believe that God exists; and even harder to find someone who believes He is the God with the character that I have come to know.

And this is really hard for me.

My friend was writing a paper about heaven and hell and mentioned that it would be crazy if someone actually believed in hell.  She was fascinated when I told her that I did, and I was shocked when she told me I was the first person she'd met that does.  She went on to explain that the practice of confirmation is a "right of passage" here, not a public display of faith.

At 15 years of age, the majority of the Norwegian population is "confirmed".  While my friend went through the "Human-Etisk Forbund", the secular alternative, the majority of students still choose confirmation in the church because of tradition.  Whether it is their own desire to continue the tradition or pressure from those closest to them, the decision to be confirmed doesn't appear to be linked to a belief in Christ at all.

And one woman described the national church to me as a security blanket.  Part of the tax revenue goes to the churches but even the people who don't believe in God don't tend to complain about it.  People can only be buried at the church and the priest will come if there is anything wrong so you know you're not alone.  This makes the Church look like a safe place but not because the church family or a loving Daddy God, but because of the structure and regulations that surround it.  As a firm believer that the church is the body not the building, this idea baffles me.

So I struggle to fit in here. 

Maybe it's part of the Norwegian culture that has kept me from meeting more Christians.  It's not common for them to open up about what they believe or to talk about God.  In fact, it's not really common to talk or even smile at people that you don't know..... which I have also struggled with.  But here I feel lonely.

So although I love parts of this culture like the strong family bonds, and the "outdoors-y" attitude that seems to be ingrained in every person I meet, I think I would have a really hard time living here full time/long term. 

But maybe that's why I am supposed to be here in this season.
- to show that love
- to learn how it feels when to be physically apart from a community of faith
- to be reminded that I am not in control
- to struggle and wrestle with things that will force me to grow


I don't know His plans, but I know He's got plans <3

All the Wrong Reasons

I struggle with working.

Growing up on a farm, I have been blessed with a good work ethic.  I know the importance of taking care of the critters regardless of the time of day, weather conditions, or other activities that beg for my attention.  It's something that has helped me secure countless jobs that in all honesty, I was not even qualified to apply for.  Being willing to work hard often trumps having previous knowledge or experience if you are teachable.  While I am grateful for this, I've found that it has helped to shape a false sense of self worth and a people pleasing mentality.

While on this exchange in Europe, time and time again I have found myself trying to "earn my keep".  Whenever I get to a new host family, I immediately want to help, which is great!  It allows me to be with the family and become like one of the children.  It also lets me experience "real life" instead of being like a guest.  Often, it is even something that I actually enjoy doing like splitting firewood, feeding the baby calves or baking bread for the family.

But, at times, I confuse the value of what I'm able to do to help out on the farm with my value as a person.

It isn't anything new though.  When I was helping with a small church my college town, I kept on taking on more and more responsibilities as they needed more help.  In response, I felt more valued the more I took on.  It wasn't until I took a step back, that I was able to see how wrong I was.

So what did I do?  I had to stop.

Stop volunteering.

Stop working so hard.

Stop trying to impress others.

Stop working for my worth.

I went from working with a church 8-10 hours a week to merely going to my new church's morning service and being part of the family....for almost 3 months. The enemy kept nagging at me with guilt, for not working hard enough and being lazy, but I knew it was what I needed to do to remember where my worth comes from.

 

Daddy God doesn't need me to work.  He doesn't need my intervention at all.  He can part might rivers, build mountains, program the neurological connections inside the human brain, paint the sky with a beautiful sunsets and still have time to listen to my prayers about the smallest things.  No, He doesn't need me.  But yet, He created me.

 

In a world that is constantly objectifying people on a daily basis, judging them on their ability to generate productivity, new ideas, and bottom-line results, it is easy to miss our own true value.

I might be wrong, but I think it's the root of addictions.  When we don't know how much we are valued and loved, we try whatever we can to find that temporary fix for that massive hole.

Recognition/Awards

Alcohol

Food

Drugs

Money

Sex

Working out

Self Mutilation

And the list goes on and on.....

So today, when I found myself working feverishly to try to "earn my keep", I had to take a step back and reset my thinking.

I am not working because it will make them love me.

I am working because I love the people that I'm helping.  I appreciate them taking me into their homes and letting me be a part of their families.  I want to show them love because I know love.  I want them to look at me and see Abba's love.

I have already been shown perfect love and even when I don't feel loved, I am being smothered with it.  I don't need anyone else to love me.  My Daddy God has never forgotten about me.  He loves me perfectly, constantly and forever more.

Someday, I will get to be in heaven with Him; I long for that day. But today, I love the one who loves me from this side of the heaven.  I love those who I have been blessed to be surrounded by, but I will not work to make them love me back.

 

Colossians 3

22 Slaves, obey your earthly masters in everything; and do it, not only when their eye is on you and to curry their favor, but with sincerity of heart and reverence for the Lord. 23 Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for human masters, 24 since you know that you will receive an inheritance from the Lord as a reward. It is the Lord Christ you are serving. 

 

Song of the Day: Identity - Kutless

 

 

GRACE UNPLUGGED