I struggle with working.
Growing up on a farm, I have been blessed with a good work ethic. I know the importance of taking care of the critters regardless of the time of day, weather conditions, or other activities that beg for my attention. It's something that has helped me secure countless jobs that in all honesty, I was not even qualified to apply for. Being willing to work hard often trumps having previous knowledge or experience if you are teachable. While I am grateful for this, I've found that it has helped to shape a false sense of self worth and a people pleasing mentality.
While on this exchange in Europe, time and time again I have found myself trying to "earn my keep". Whenever I get to a new host family, I immediately want to help, which is great! It allows me to be with the family and become like one of the children. It also lets me experience "real life" instead of being like a guest. Often, it is even something that I actually enjoy doing like splitting firewood, feeding the baby calves or baking bread for the family.
But, at times, I confuse the value of what I'm able to do to help out on the farm with my value as a person.
It isn't anything new though. When I was helping with a small church my college town, I kept on taking on more and more responsibilities as they needed more help. In response, I felt more valued the more I took on. It wasn't until I took a step back, that I was able to see how wrong I was.
So what did I do? I had to stop.
Stop volunteering.
Stop working so hard.
Stop trying to impress others.
Stop working for my worth.
I went from working with a church 8-10 hours a week to merely going to my new church's morning service and being part of the family....for almost 3 months. The enemy kept nagging at me with guilt, for not working hard enough and being lazy, but I knew it was what I needed to do to remember where my worth comes from.
Daddy God doesn't need me to work. He doesn't need my intervention at all. He can part might rivers, build mountains, program the neurological connections inside the human brain, paint the sky with a beautiful sunsets and still have time to listen to my prayers about the smallest things. No, He doesn't need me. But yet, He created me.
In a world that is constantly objectifying people on a daily basis, judging them on their ability to generate productivity, new ideas, and bottom-line results, it is easy to miss our own true value.
I might be wrong, but I think it's the root of addictions. When we don't know how much we are valued and loved, we try whatever we can to find that temporary fix for that massive hole.
Recognition/Awards
Alcohol
Food
Drugs
Money
Sex
Working out
Self Mutilation
And the list goes on and on.....
So today, when I found myself working feverishly to try to "earn my keep", I had to take a step back and reset my thinking.
I am not working because it will make them love me.
I am working because I love the people that I'm helping. I appreciate them taking me into their homes and letting me be a part of their families. I want to show them love because I know love. I want them to look at me and see Abba's love.
I have already been shown perfect love and even when I don't feel loved, I am being smothered with it. I don't need anyone else to love me. My Daddy God has never forgotten about me. He loves me perfectly, constantly and forever more.
Someday, I will get to be in heaven with Him; I long for that day. But today, I love the one who loves me from this side of the heaven. I love those who I have been blessed to be surrounded by, but I will not work to make them love me back.
Colossians 3
22 Slaves, obey your earthly masters in everything; and do it, not only when their eye is on you and to curry their favor, but with sincerity of heart and reverence for the Lord. 23 Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for human masters, 24 since you know that you will receive an inheritance from the Lord as a reward. It is the Lord Christ you are serving.
Song of the Day: Identity - Kutless
GRACE UNPLUGGED
