A Lonely Faith

I grew up in a "Christian Town". 

There are over a half dozen churches for a population of under 600 people. 
We still have "Christmas Break" not Winter break or Holiday break.
The local stores are closed on Sundays. 
We have baccalaureate services in the school and two church dinners for the graduating seniors.
We say God Bless and Praying for you without thinking that someone may be offended by it.

I have never felt like I've been looked down on because of my faith when I am at home.

Yes, I know that there are people in my hometown that don't believe in Daddy God, but I don't remember ever feeling like I was the only Christian around.  I continued to feel connected when I went to college, and as I've traveled in N. Ireland, England, New Zealand and even in Japan.

But not now.

Norway, this truly wonderful place that I DO love is.....................a word that I can not come up with.  (The lack of the right English word seems to be fairly common these days.)

With a national church, singing prayers in the elementary school, and a "socially mandatory" tradition of 15 year olds going through confirmation, Norway appears, and most Norwegians would say that it is, a Christian nation and yet, I have found it hard to find people that believe that God exists; and even harder to find someone who believes He is the God with the character that I have come to know.

And this is really hard for me.

My friend was writing a paper about heaven and hell and mentioned that it would be crazy if someone actually believed in hell.  She was fascinated when I told her that I did, and I was shocked when she told me I was the first person she'd met that does.  She went on to explain that the practice of confirmation is a "right of passage" here, not a public display of faith.

At 15 years of age, the majority of the Norwegian population is "confirmed".  While my friend went through the "Human-Etisk Forbund", the secular alternative, the majority of students still choose confirmation in the church because of tradition.  Whether it is their own desire to continue the tradition or pressure from those closest to them, the decision to be confirmed doesn't appear to be linked to a belief in Christ at all.

And one woman described the national church to me as a security blanket.  Part of the tax revenue goes to the churches but even the people who don't believe in God don't tend to complain about it.  People can only be buried at the church and the priest will come if there is anything wrong so you know you're not alone.  This makes the Church look like a safe place but not because the church family or a loving Daddy God, but because of the structure and regulations that surround it.  As a firm believer that the church is the body not the building, this idea baffles me.

So I struggle to fit in here. 

Maybe it's part of the Norwegian culture that has kept me from meeting more Christians.  It's not common for them to open up about what they believe or to talk about God.  In fact, it's not really common to talk or even smile at people that you don't know..... which I have also struggled with.  But here I feel lonely.

So although I love parts of this culture like the strong family bonds, and the "outdoors-y" attitude that seems to be ingrained in every person I meet, I think I would have a really hard time living here full time/long term. 

But maybe that's why I am supposed to be here in this season.
- to show that love
- to learn how it feels when to be physically apart from a community of faith
- to be reminded that I am not in control
- to struggle and wrestle with things that will force me to grow


I don't know His plans, but I know He's got plans <3

God's Will

Psalm 18

⁶ In my distress I called to the Lord;
I cried to my God for help.
From his temple he heard my voice;
my cry came before him, into his ears.
⁷ The earth trembled and quaked,
and the foundations of the mountains shook;
they trembled because he was angry.
⁸ Smoke rose from his nostrils;
consuming fire came from his mouth,
burning coals blazed out of it.
⁹ He parted the heavens and came down;
dark clouds were under his feet.
¹⁰ He mounted the cherubim and flew;
he soared on the wings of the wind.
¹¹ He made darkness his covering, his canopy around him—
the dark rain clouds of the sky.
¹² Out of the brightness of his presence clouds advanced,
with hailstones and bolts of lightning.
¹³ The Lord thundered from heaven;
the voice of the Most High resounded.^[d]
14 He shot his arrows and scattered the enemy,
with great bolts of lightning he routed them.
¹⁵ The valleys of the sea were exposed
and the foundations of the earth laid bare
at your rebuke, Lord,
at the blast of breath from your nostrils.

¹⁶ He reached down from on high and took hold of me;
he drew me out of deep waters.
¹⁷ He rescued me from my powerful enemy,
from my foes, who were too strong for me.
¹⁸ They confronted me in the day of my disaster,
but the Lord was my support.
¹⁹ He brought me out into a spacious place;
he rescued me because he delighted in me. 

For weeks now, I have been camping out in Psalm 18, because it just blows my mind.  This image of how much God cares about his children is overwhelming.  Over and over, this passage has brought me to my knees, unable to stand because He loves me so much!

In the past, when I've been hurt, I've had this image of a stand-off God; one that knows what's going on but doesn't seem to do anything.  I know that this comes from years of waiting for God to do what I wanted him to do.  It wasn't until recently that I finally started to grasp at the idea of God's Will.  God's Will isn't God carrying out my plans.  It's a much greater plan that I could even fathom. 

Kelly <3

When my best friend died 3 years ago, I hit an all-time low.  I went crazy with my "whys" because I just couldn't grasp why God would take her from me.  I felt alone in crowded rooms, overwhelmed with pain & grief, and angry beyond comparison at the people who seemed to be moving on while I refused to move the roots that I'd buried in the land of hurt and depression.  I tried to run from God, deny His existence, and hurt Him by hurting myself and those around me with my decisions.

In the back of my mind though, I'd tell myself that "if I just knew why....", I would be able to move on.  Honestly though, there is no way I will truly ever understand why my Kell Bell isn't meeting me for a movie at the drive in, going on road trips and getting tanned while I burn this summer.  As smart as I'd like to think I am, I will never be able to understand.  I can't understand God's plan.  I can't understand what has happened, what is happening or what is going to happen.  Even if He came down from heaven tonight and whispered in my ear his plans, I could not comprehend them BECAUSE I AM NOT GOD.

See, the major difference between God's will and my will is the word in front of will.  If we could fully understand God though, what would be the point in following him? People do not follow those who know the exact same things as them. There would be no reason to seek out a God if we ourselves knew enough to be considered on an equal playing field as God. 

In Ephesians 3, Paul prayed saying "May you experience the love of Christ, though it is too great to understand fully. Then you will be made complete with all the fullness of life and power that comes from God" (verse 19).  Paul knew that these people, like me, would never fully understand God, but that we would be able to experience glimpses into His love for us.  It's those glimpses of his love that remind me to fight when I am having a bad day because I have a purpose.  It's God's will for me to be here 'til He calls me home.

Yes, I am ready to go to heaven.  I long to be home with God someday, in a place where I know I will finally feel like I belong, but it's not my time yet.  God has a plan, and a perfect plan at that for my life.  I don't know what it is, where it will take me or when I'll see the next move I'm supposed to take, but I do know that I want to walk in His will.  I want to be bold.  I want to risk it all and loose it all for a purpose far greater than anything I could cook up on my own. 

Daddy God, I want to be used for your will and your plans for your kingdom.

Commission My Sould O Lord and give me my purpose in Your will.