Forgetting Freedom out of Fear

I question Ev-er-y-thing... Just ask my sisters or any teacher I've ever had.

I thirst for knowledge, and to know what will happen next.  
In fact, sometimes I find myself fearing the unknown.

Do I really trust God with my future?  

Time and time again, Daddy God's plan has trumped my own.  Head knowledge tells me that His plans, not my own, should be where I place my hope and my future.  

But..... sometimes I feel like the Israelites.

Scholars can debate about it all day but, the Israelites were slaves in Egypt for at least 200 years, living there for over 400.  When Moses and Aaron came to Pharaoh to deliver the "Let my people go" message from God, one of the first things Pharaoh did was require them to make the same progress in their work without providing one of the major ingredients -- the straw for the bricks. (Exodus 5) Clearly this is not a situation you want to work under, right?  Back-breaking work, unrealistic expectations... and oh yeah.... let's kill your babies too so you don't raise up and take over our kingdom.

Now, fast forward through the plagues and the passover where the firstborn died in every house that wasn't marked as the Lord had commanded.  With the death of his son, Pharaoh finally comes to a place where he is willing to let the Israelites go, and they book it out of there.  God leads them day and night and when it looks like they are going to be trapped by a major waterway, He gives Moses the power to part the sea so they can walk straight across, but the Egyptians are wiped out when the waters are released. (Exodus 14)

Now, when the Israelites felt trapped at the edge of the water, they said to Moses "Was it because there were no graves in Egypt that you brought us to the desert to die? What have you done to us by bringing us out of Egypt?  Didn't we say to you in Egypt, 'Leave us alone; let us serve the Egyptians'? It would have been better for us to serve the Egyptians than to die in the desert!" (Exodus 14: 11-12) 

God provided a way when when they doubted if freedom had been the right choice.

As the saying goes, hindsight is 20/20.  Clearly God was watching out for His chosen people.  How quickly though do we forget this truth?

In Exodus 16, the story continues:

 The whole Israelite community set out from Elim and came to the Desert of Sin, which is between Elim and Sinai, on the fifteenth day of the second month after they had come out of Egypt.  In the desert the whole community grumbled against Moses and Aaron.  The Israelites said to them, "If only we had died by the LORD's hand in Egypt! There we sat around pots of meat and ate all the food we wanted, but you have brought us out into this desert to starve this entire assembly to death."

As I read these passages yesterday,  I was so disappointed in the Israelites.  Only 5 or 6 weeks earlier, God had shown up in a HUGE way.  He had pulled them out of slavery, parted the sea so they could walk across dry ground, and in Exodus 15, He provided the needed water and shade in the desert.  When we read here, it's so clear God's got their back, and yet they want to go back to slavery, picking the known pain over the unknown plans in the hands of Daddy God.

How often is that me, playing the scared Israelite who would rather be enslaved than walk in freedom and protection into the unknown?

 

This next week, I challenge you to consider these thoughts with me:

- Do I REALLY trust God?

- In what areas of my life am I choosing stability over walking in faith?

- What "chains" do I need to stop running back to because God's got better?

- How is the Holy Spirit leading me to move?

Be Bold. Be Courage. Be All In. <3

Distracting from the Meaningless

On Fridays, I go to a little local treasure for breakfast.  Because my regular booth-mates were gone, I decided to use it as my quiet time and just hang out with Daddy God.

I sat there, with my name on my cup, and indulged in my weekly cinnamon roll.  Like always, it didn't disappoint.

But this was a special day.  It was D-day, June 6th, and the day I would hear about if I got my dream job or not.  I needed God to calm my soul and give me peace.

So I started prayer journaling.....

Enter into the gates with praise and thanksgiving (Psalms 100:4)  I know God hears me no matter what words I use, but I think this attitude of thanksgiving helps me to be receptive so I always start out with the "goods"

Daddy God, 

Thank you for this day.  Thank you for this place, a place to belong every Friday morning.  Thank you for the opportunity to wake up early and have another day to walk these beautiful streets, to take in the smells of the kitchen and the kindness in my servers smile.  Thank you for the opportunity to interview this week.....

And then I heard her...

"I have money.  Can you help me? I got hurt running away from a bad man and the police arrested me!  They stole my stuff."

I couldn't help but notice that they were bringing her back to the booth RIGHT behind me.  She was loud.  She was blunt. She wanted everyone to pay attention to her.

And I wanted to ignore her.  

I liked my comfortable bubble.

I had come to my normal spot to enjoy the quiet, calm, early morning atmosphere, surrounded by my tea, roll, bible, and journal.  This lady was ruining it.

I tried to go back to my journal, but she was so distracting.  

.....Thank you for the opportunity to interview this week.  Thank you for having a plan for me.  But Jesus, if this isn't part of it, don't let them offer this job to me, because I want to take it.

"What's that girl doing? Girl, what are you doing"

I tried so hard to ignore her, but she was making me upset.  I needed time with God and she was butting in.  I felt like a jealous older sibling who had to share a parent with the new baby.  I didn't want to share this time with this stranger, so I continued to ignore her.

I looked back at my journal

"The cab driver gave me this.  He was so sweet.  He told me to go get breakfast but I didn't know if I could come in here.  I was at the hospital long enough.  They could have let me take a shower," she told the server (and everyone else in that end of the restaurant).

Ug...... I just couldn't focus.  She was SO LOUD.

God, help me to focus.  

Help me to be able to spend this time with you.  

Help me to block out this distraction behind me.

And then it hit me like a bus.  I was praying the wrong thing.

Daddy God, change my heart for this woman.

And I picked up my bible, flipping through the well worn pages to find the right verse.  I needed something about compassion.  As I searched my highlighted bits and notes throughout the well worn book, I couldn't find what I was looking for.  Another local, turned to me and asked what I was reading.  I smiled politely and said, "my bible"

"Oh.  You're reading that.  Can you pick something from it and write it down for me?"

YES! This lady wanted something from Jesus!  I could help with this this!

I turned back to my bible and looked through a few verses, trying to decide which one to write down for her, but I couldn't decide.  Then it hit me.

"Can I pray with you?"

Yes, she was finally getting the attention she wanted as I moved over into her booth and held her hands.  I asked her what she wanted prayer for.

For the next hour, she told me her story.

Her name was Karen Swett.

She had nothing left to her name but her fake smile and the few things that hadn't been stolen from her yet that sat beside her in plastic sacks.

She had hurt her knee running from a man trying to assault her and been taken in by the police.

She'd had 12 babies, of which only two had lived and both of them had been taken away from her.

She had struggled with drug addictions.

She had no home, no family, no money and no hope.

She was bitter and angry.

She cried.

She cussed.

She was so hurt.

So we prayed.  And then I felt like I had to give her my bible.

But I really didn't want to. I know it sounds petty but... 

It had been around the world with me, twice.

It was mine.

It was even my favorite color.

I was attached to it.

I had highlighted, written notes, and dog eared pages.  

I would have to start over.

But then I looked at her.

"Here, this is for you.  I can't choose what to write down for you because it's all good.  I've marked it up over the past couple years so that should help you find what you're looking for."

She just stared at me with her mouth open and started crying again.  Before she would let me go, she asked me to write a message in it and kissed my hand, and then apologized for being dirty.  I ran my hand over her hair and told her not to apologize for showing me love....and then I left.

It's been two weeks since that day, and I've thought of her every day since.  I pray for her because of where she was at.  I pray that she will open up that bible and not just pitch it in the trash.  

And I thank Daddy God.  

I thank Him for using her to bring me out of the comfort zone I'd settled into.  Sometimes as Christians, we get so caught up in being "good Christians" (saying nice things, reading our bibles, etc.) , that we forgot to be like Jesus.  I was getting annoyed at this "distraction" when in reality my selfishness was distracting me from what was really important.  I was being so selfish, with my time, and then with my bible, that I almost missed a chance to love on someone who really needed it. 

Thank you for the gentle reminder of why I'm here, Daddy God. <3

Please keep Karen in your prayers.

The Heart of the Pie

I bake.

OKAY....I bake a lot.

For example, in the span of a week, I baked three different types of pie and played around with a coffee cake recipe.

(Lucky for me, I've been able to round up several willing taste-testers to help me share in the calories.)

But I don't just bake because I like food...
or because I have a stunning kitchen that I can't stand to let sit there by its lonesome.

There is a list catalysts for my baking sprees but most importantly, I bake because it helps me connect to God.  In particular, it makes me feel close to his "Creator" characteristic because when I bake, I don't follow directions. I take them to be more like guidelines and use my creativity to pull together finished products.

And as I pull together my creations, I imagine Him building His.

His soft yet strong hands pulling what He needs out of thin air.  Starting from NOTHING, He creates something beautiful.... LIFE.

As I close my eyes, I can see him begin.

From nothing, I imagine a ball of matter just appearing upon His command.  Then He gently pulls out the hands and feet, creating arms for hugging and legs He will instruct where to go. 

Next He molds up a head and carves out the intricate features to grace the face; the shape of the nose, the curve of the lips, the purposefully uneven ear placement.  Each movement makes this one unique even though He's done this millions of times.  He takes his time though, placing the roots of the hair into the scalp, keeping track of their number and giving them each a unique color.  He opens the eyelids and places the sparkle in it that will light up when she's really happy.

Then He moves to the heart, placing desires deep within.  He gives her the desire to grow things, to capture beauty, to travel, to care for kiddos, to explore, to sing, and to love on others.  With the snap of His fingers, He commands the creation of the organs and quickly connects the billions of neurons throughout the body.  He places instructions for the future in the DNA and in less than a moment, the most complex system we know, is put into motion.

Now I know my creations in the kitchen aren't THAT great, but I can make some mean sweet potato pie.

And as I pull my products out of the oven to admire them, I imagine God looking at His new creation, with that proud father smile and whispering "It is good."

Thank you Daddy God for these glimpses of your character <3

"Worthy are You, our Lord and our God, to receive glory and honor and power; for You created all things, and because of Your will they existed, and were created." -Romans 4:11

Life Unscarred

To love at all is to be vulnerable.

Love anything, and your heart will certainly be wrung and possibly be broken.

If you want to make sure of keeping it intact,
you must give your heart to no one,
 not even to an animal.

Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries;
 avoid all entanglements;
lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness.

But in that casket - safe, dark, motionless, airless - it will change.
It will not be broken;

it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable.

The alternative to tragedy, or at least to the risk of tragedy, is damnation.

The only place outside Heaven where you can be perfectly safe from all the dangers and perturbations of love is Hell.

-C.S. Lewis, The Four Loves

Optimist Prime

I am constantly looking for the good in things.

I am an optimist.

And for me, it makes since.

God is good, all the time. All the time, God is good.

So when he created __________, it was good.

Yes, _________ may not always be the nicest pear in the box, but.... 

God made it so there must be good within it.

So don't tell me I am too optimistic.

It's not that I can't see the downside.

I am just choosing not to focus on it.

I'm choosing beauty.

I'm choosing second chances.

I'm choosing happiness.

I'm choosing a new perspective because,

life. is. good.

It's a new day.  If you're still here, there's a reason. 

 Live like it.

Send Me.

Lord capture my soul with your desire for my life.

Wrap me up with a passion that drives me into a furry to quickly chase after it.

Give me the strength to be everything you're calling me to be down here.

And send me.

Send me where you want me, where you've designed me to play my part in the grand plan.

It's not always around the world.  Sometimes it's just outside your front door. 

Wherever it is.... That's where I want to be.

I am

For I am a traveling soul
who thrives under pressure
and drowns in the loll.

For I am a sensitive heart
who cares for the weak
and those worlds apart.

For I am a helping hand
who knows what is right
and will take a stand.

For I am a creative mind
who basks in the beauty
and brings in to the blind.

For I am a hopeless wreck
who finds hope in God
and He keeps all in check.