Traveling Takes Me Back

A few years ago now, I went to New Zealand and it changed my life drastically.  It changed the way I treated those I loved, those I didn't love and myself.  And all of this happened because I discovered how much I was/am/always will be loved by the Father.  Looking back now, I know that's one of the reasons why I will always love New Zealand to bits, because aside from the welcoming community and the gorgeous countryside,  it really did shape my identity. 

Now, after being back two years, the freshness of that revelation has been hidden not because it is any less true, but because like precious silver, if not polished, it will begin to look tarnished. 

But traveling always helps me remember how big God really is.

His fingerprints are everywhere.

For by him all things were created, in heaven and on earth, visible and invisible, whether thrones or dominions or rulers or authorities—all things were created through him and for him.
- Colossians 1:16

In the relationships around me.

In the English countryside.

In the beauty of the sunrises and sunsets.

In my quiet times when I find a gem that speaks to my heart.

In the voice on the radio.

In my conversations with people about what I believe.

Yes, traveling takes me out of my comfort zone.  It takes me out of my normal group of people and from the people who agree with me.

But traveling reminds me why I love Jesus.

I love Him not out of obligation or condemnation.  I love Him because I've realized I am loved.

I go to church not because I believe that it is a required step to get to heaven, but because I love the community and know accountability is key.

I choose to share about what I believe in not because I want to force it down anyone's throat but because I've seen peoples lives be rocked when they let Him in.

I love traveling because it reminds me how fast everything I know on this earth can be gone in the blink of an eye, because everything is temporary outside of heaven.

When nothing else is constant, always moving from place to place, Daddy God is.

The best place to find yourself in my opinion will always be where nobody knows your background.  At this point, you get to discover your deepest self. 
When you strip away your mistakes and accomplishments,
the labels and titles,
the treasures and the struggles,
there at the core,
that's Jesus. 

Created in his image, a snap shot of the characteristics of God is embedded in our innermost being. 

So today, I am thankful for being able to travel, to be able to step out of the routine and be reminded of how much I am loved with a deeper understanding of Daddy God.

Send Me

I am nervous.

Since last Thanksgiving, I have been a part of an amazing family at Mill City Church. 

I found a Jesus Church, one that truly has it's heart aligned with God's heart.
 
When making decisions about the church, if it doesn't bring people closer to God and build community, they don't do it. 

And although they are nestled in a CSU building, they are not just a "College Church", but a family church that values all generations and works to bridge the gaps. 

The church family focuses on helping to build relationships and grow with God, as shown in their encouragement to join a small group, a place where I've seen growth, challenge, raw truth, and floods of support.

At Mill City, the church leads by example, giving 10% of the annual income to other ministries, and yet they aren't a money grabbing organization.  Here, giving is an act of worship, not something that people are guilted or shamed into doing.

At my church, they pray for and with each other because we believe in the power of prayer.  We serve a great king, but He's also a perfect daddy.

They value differences here.  At Mill City, they recognize that the body doesn't need 16 feet and no ears.  Instead of trying to make everyone a "cookie cutter" church member, you'll see them embracing individual talents and interests, welcoming diversity and the beauty of being unique.

Mill City is a bible-based church that believes in honoring God the father, Jesus and the Holy ghost.  I love this church... My Church.

But this Friday, I leave Colorado and head to Europe. 

While there, I will be living with wonderful families that have willingly opened up their homes to me, a complete stranger.  I am so grateful for their hospitality, but I know this will be a major change.

 

For the past four years, I have been rooted in Fort Collins, aside from a six month study abroad in New Zealand (where I also found community after a few months).  I have built a community of friends, family and support that has been both life sustaining and enriching.

As I hop around Europe as an IFYE for the next 6 months, I will likely be spending somewhere between four days and two weeks with each host family.  I love that I will be able to get to know so many people because of my constant movement, but their is still that hint of fear that I will not have a stable community.

A few months ago, when I was trying to decide to apply or not, I talked about this with a couple that I deeply respect and admire to which they responded "What if this is preparing you for something bigger?"  Over the past few years I have seen first hand that I am more pliable to God when I'm out of my comfort zone and away from my normal group.

So Daddy God, use this experience and use me.

And I heard the voice of the Lord saying, “Whom shall I send, and who will go for us?” Then I said, “Here I am! Send me.” - Isaiah 6:8

Stealing the Joy of the Journey

Once upon a time, people decided that the best time to get engaged is right between the turkey feast in November and giant crystal ball dropping in NYC.  As tradition continues, one after another, my friends are getting engaged.  Don't get me wrong, I am SO happy for all them ... but some days I can't help but feel left behind.

In high school, I refused to date because I wanted to date to marry.  I'd joke with my three sisters (two of which are older than me) that I would be the the first one to get married, but for the most part, I was hoping more than joking. While some girls want the big wedding day, I just wanted to be married.  I've had this desire in my heart for as long as I can remember: to be married and be a mom.

Since high school, I have been in three relationships. Following decisions to go our own ways, they each ended up getting engaged to their next girlfriend. (One of my good guy friends joked the other day that he should date me so her can meet his future wife sooner.)  Please don't get me wrong; I AM happy for them.  I'm glad they found women they want to spend forever with, but seeing my ex-boyfriends all engaged right now is HARD. 

It makes me question where I am, why we ended things and what's wrong with me.

 

And comparing ourselves to others is never a good idea.

The very first murder came from comparison.

(Genesis 4: 2b-5, 8)

"Now Abel kept flocks, and Cain worked the soil.  In the course of time Cain brought some of the fruits of the soil as an offering to the Lord.  But Abel bought fat portions from some of the firstborn of his flock.  The Lord looked with favor on Abel and his offering, but on Cain and his offering he did not look with favor. So Cain was very angry, and his face was downcast. (...) Now Cain said to his brother Abel, "Let's go out to the field."  And while they were in the field, Cain  attacked his brother Abel and killed him.

And remember the story of Joseph and the coat of many colors?

(Genesis Chapter 37:3)

"Now Israel loved Joseph more than any of his other sons, because he had been born to him in his old age; and he made a richly ornamented robe for him."

As the story continues, Joseph's brothers plot to kill him and eventually sell Joseph into slavery because of their jealousy.

It's a simple pattern that has repeated itself all through history and continues today.

Comparison leads to Discontent,

Discontent leads to Jealousy

And Jealousy can lead to Sin.

I can't help but believe that that's why God wants us to stop at the first step, comparison, so we don't get caught in the slippery slope.

Let everyone be sure that he is doing his very best, for then he will have the personal satisfaction of work well done and won't need to compare himself with someone else.     (Galatians 6:4)

Jesus was not married and had no children to call him daddy, and yet he loved better than anyone else.  Mother Teresa was not married and never gave birth to a child of her own, and yet she impacted and loved so many people. 

I want to love people better. 

I want to make an impact.

And I want to be married and have children...If that's where God leads me in the future.

Right now though, I am not in a season of engagement. Right now I am in a season of change and travel. After graduation in May, I will be leaving the country in mid June to be an IFYE ambassador to Europe.  I don't know where I'm going to stay yet or who I'm going to meet, but I know that this is where I'm supposed to be headed. 

This is my path.  It may not look like my friends. It may lead to years of singleness.  It may end up being lonely at times, but I will be patient and I will wait because God's got a plan that is much better for me than the fairytale I've created in my head.

I will WAIT and strive to be content with my relationship status, for there is a time for everything.  I will wait, but not on God to show up. I will wait with God, for God's perfect timing.

Psalm 130:5-6

 

I wait for the Lord, my soul waits,

and in his word I put my hope.

My soul waits for the Lord

more than watchmen wait for the morning,

more than watchmen wait for the morning.