In high school, I refused to date because I wanted to date to marry. I'd joke with my three sisters (two of which are older than me) that I would be the the first one to get married, but for the most part, I was hoping more than joking. While some girls want the big wedding day, I just wanted to be married. I've had this desire in my heart for as long as I can remember: to be married and be a mom.
Since high school, I have been in three relationships. Following decisions to go our own ways, they each ended up getting engaged to their next girlfriend. (One of my good guy friends joked the other day that he should date me so her can meet his future wife sooner.) Please don't get me wrong; I AM happy for them. I'm glad they found women they want to spend forever with, but seeing my ex-boyfriends all engaged right now is HARD.
It makes me question where I am, why we ended things and what's wrong with me.
And comparing ourselves to others is never a good idea.
The very first murder came from comparison.
(Genesis 4: 2b-5, 8)
"Now Abel kept flocks, and Cain worked the soil. In the course of time Cain brought some of the fruits of the soil as an offering to the Lord. But Abel bought fat portions from some of the firstborn of his flock. The Lord looked with favor on Abel and his offering, but on Cain and his offering he did not look with favor. So Cain was very angry, and his face was downcast. (...) Now Cain said to his brother Abel, "Let's go out to the field." And while they were in the field, Cain attacked his brother Abel and killed him.
And remember the story of Joseph and the coat of many colors?
(Genesis Chapter 37:3)
"Now Israel loved Joseph more than any of his other sons, because he had been born to him in his old age; and he made a richly ornamented robe for him."
As the story continues, Joseph's brothers plot to kill him and eventually sell Joseph into slavery because of their jealousy.
It's a simple pattern that has repeated itself all through history and continues today.
Comparison leads to Discontent,
Discontent leads to Jealousy
And Jealousy can lead to Sin.
I can't help but believe that that's why God wants us to stop at the first step, comparison, so we don't get caught in the slippery slope.
Let everyone be sure that he is doing his very best, for then he will have the personal satisfaction of work well done and won't need to compare himself with someone else. (Galatians 6:4)
Jesus was not married and had no children to call him daddy, and yet he loved better than anyone else. Mother Teresa was not married and never gave birth to a child of her own, and yet she impacted and loved so many people.
I want to love people better.
I want to make an impact.
And I want to be married and have children...If that's where God leads me in the future.
Right now though, I am not in a season of engagement. Right now I am in a season of change and travel. After graduation in May, I will be leaving the country in mid June to be an IFYE ambassador to Europe. I don't know where I'm going to stay yet or who I'm going to meet, but I know that this is where I'm supposed to be headed.
This is my path. It may not look like my friends. It may lead to years of singleness. It may end up being lonely at times, but I will be patient and I will wait because God's got a plan that is much better for me than the fairytale I've created in my head.
I will WAIT and strive to be content with my relationship status, for there is a time for everything. I will wait, but not on God to show up. I will wait with God, for God's perfect timing.
